Bits and Pieces…Maybe Chunks.

You will often hear me refer to a certain aspect of myself as "the inner goddess". Let me give you a brief definition of what the inner goddess is to me. My inner goddess is a portion of myself who holds no boundaries. She jumps for joy when I do something daring, sexy, even erotic. She encourages me to be sexy, sassy, and lustful. She helps me lure men and entrap them. So when I make a statement and say something to the sorts of "my inner goddess is thrilled…etc" I really mean that. It is a portion of myself which empowers me and often I wish I could follow what she says. But that could be a bit risky. As she can be a naughty, naughty girl. I am, too. But not AS bad. Here are is a link to more information about inner goddesses : http://www.thatslife.com.au/article.asp?ArticleID=2537 .

The way my birthday falls makes me both a Libra and a Scorpio. I was born on the cusp. Sounds strange? Maybe not for those of you who are into these sorts of things. My birthday ends on a Libra day but in some astrological calendars it also begins on a Scorpio. Which explains my hard headed-ness, stubbornness and downright sharp tongue. Blame that, not me ;). So here are the definitions of my two "inner goddesses"

VENUS
Sep 24-Oct 23
These gals walk with a sassy step as they search for heady relationships and social acceptance.

BAST
Oct 24-Nov 22
Bast-inspired girls are creative, inquisitive and have a fine sense of where their boundaries lie.

I definitely agree with them. To thee T. I do have a sass in my way, and lately have found myself searching for social acceptance in all of the wrong places. It's not as if I don't have friends. I have plenty. But I want to draw myself away from them and re-connect with a few of my old friends. Perhaps that is not the best idea. I am not sure yet. Anyways. Enough rambling about this crap. Let's get to the goods shall we?

I looked at a new house today. To say I fell in love would be an understatement. It is right next to my sons school and the man who owns it now is just great. The price he is offering for it is AMAZING and it is insanely huge. What on earth would I do in that huge home? All alone. Well maybe not always at night ;), but you know what I mean. I am hoping that as soon as this month is over I am outta here. And J can just go AWAY. Except, when it comes to our kids of course. I have my doubts on that especially with his previous behavior. So I hope that can go well for me and maybe get the house. It's something I have to think of and it's a long term thing. I would never imagine at my age I would be going through everything I am now. It's just so crazy. I think back to my life 11 years ago and think how care free I was. No responsibility. Just hanging with my best friends and having a good time. Now, I am working, paying bills, caring for a home, two children and battling my inner self. Life can really fucking suck some days.

I talked to L a few times today. And he said a few things to me that just made me smile from EAR -----------TO----------EAR. How can he do that to me? Especially after a year? Over a year. We haven't been together that year per se, but we have talked and such during those times. Just haven't found our self to fall into that relationship. He can make me smile so big and makes my heart always skip a beat. I feel like a school girl who wants to skip over to him with my hands clasped behind my back and gently kiss his nose. Yes, it's that sweet. We did have our minor disagreement and discussed that today. We both apologized but I did tell him how extremely turned on I was when he told me things in Spanish (even though he is not). I love it when he got mean and rough and showed such authority. I could just picture him mad and his muscles rippling. I'm getting hot just thinking about it. His one liner that lured me in? " How could I be mad at you with an ass like that? You have the BEST ass, and I miss staring at it." Piggish? Yes. Do I like it? FUCK YEAH. The thoughts that ran through my head were all X-RATED. I can't believe it's been over a year and we ARE STILL TALKING. Sure we talk as friends and "stuff". And I am so glad we didn't jump into that relationship back then. I don't think I was ready, I don't think he was. Maybe one day. I hope. How cheesy? Yes. But he makes my heart skip a beat every time. I don't feed myself oh you just met him bullshit, because I didn't just meet him. I've known him. He still has that effect on me. I am about to get onto a chat with him now. So I must go. I wish I could see him freely. But that isn't the case at the moment.

Love to you all.

xoxoxxx